One Big Happy Family

Brittany’s fiancé has met my extended family and the wedding is still on. My brother and sisters and I threw a party for my mom’s birthday in Chicago last month and just about everyone flew in for the weekend, including Brittany and Dan. I’m always a little surprised by how large my family is. We don’t live anywhere close to any of them and it isn’t that often we all get together, so when we do I’m a bit shocked.

It turned out to be a good time for Dan to meet everyone because there were so many other things going on he wasn’t the center of attention. However he was quickly adopted as a member of the “outlaws”. (Other families call those people who marry into their families “in-laws”, but not ours. This brave group chose their own nick name early on and every family photo session includes a picture of them.)

This kind of got me thinking about how some groups are easier to fit into then others and also how people act differently with different groups. For instance I act one way with my current and local friends and another when I’m with my family: becoming my mom’s “baby”, my siblings’ little sister or my nieces’ aunt.

I’m really not surprised Dan slid in with barely a ripple though. I once heard a joke that all you have to do is have a long layover at O’Hare airport and Chicagoans will accept you as one of their own. My mid-western family is like that; very easy going and welcoming. Blood relation, “outlaw”; everyone’s treated the same.

Because we were both raised that way John and I always expect to fit into any group easily too. A couple weekends ago we went to Charleston for both Mother’s Day and Brittany and Dan’s birthdays. They had a barbeque one night and we really enjoyed hanging out with their friends. We’re used to having friends of all ages and got quite competitive in a rousing game of Catch Phrase after dinner. When the party was over though John asked me, “Did you notice their friends kept calling us mom and dad?” I had. And it seemed a little strange because I’d been thinking of them as peers all evening.

But like Dan in Chicago, we were accepted. In one role or another! Just one big happy family!

 

 

Sometimes technology doesn't take the cake!

My world (like everyone else’s) depends on technology. Whether I want it to or not.

I was talking to John on the phone the other day when I heard a beep over the line. I asked him if someone was trying to call in and he said no he just got a news alert on his phone that a new pope had been elected. 15 minutes later I saw the breaking news flash on my computer home page.

John can also control the stereo in our house remotely which he finds great fun. I was coming into the house one day when suddenly I was surrounded by the music of Andrea Bocelli. John, who was at work, but apparently does sometimes listen to me and knew my schedule, decided to welcome me home with my favorite music playing.

He does that with the air conditioning and heat too. We have thermostats that can also be turned on and off and up and down from anywhere and he knows when I’m going to the gym so he’ll turn the heat down and then turn it back up before I get home. I know this because one time I skipped! And it got cold in the house!

Brittany and I have depended on technology while planning her wedding too. Besides the normal hundreds of phone calls and emails we’ve each sat at our own computers while on the phone combing through the guest list. She’s also taken pictures of decorations she wants incorporated into flower arrangements and emailed them to the florist who can do a mock up that she will send back for Brittany’s approval. The florist herself told me how easy her job is now because the brides all come in with pictures of arrangements they’ve found online.

The DJ was booked and planned all by email as he lives in South Carolina. And like many brides Brittany has a website allowing family and friends to keep up on the plans.

But there was one thing we couldn’t do online or remotely. The cake tasting. Brittany came home last weekend with a list: walk-through where we’ll be having the rehearsal dinner, meet with the event planner at the ceremony venue to go over that menu, look at my veil to see if we could have it remade for her and dozens of other loose ends. All of which we could have done with pictures and emails. But not the tasting.

We were told to allow an hour and a half for the event. The lady was as sweet as her cakes and it didn’t take us nearly that long to choose a cake that Brittany loved. It was fun to do this “live”! The woman even said not to worry about saving the top of the cake for their first anniversary. As remaking it would be her gift to the bride and groom!

Now that was icing on the cake and something technology will never be able to do!

 

 

 

Brittany gets a Grown-up Car

Brittany called recently saying she was going to sell her car because she couldn’t get both her dogs and their kennels in the car she had.

When Brittany decides on something, she moves fast. Two days later she had bought a Kia Sportage and was in tears. Why? Because the car she sold was a really cute little red sports car.

Cars mean nothing to me. John is a car nut and since we had the summer off between our wedding and his first army assignment we spent two months driving up into the Canadian Rockies and down the west coast to Los Angeles, across Las Vegas, Colorado, etc until we ended up back at my parents in Chicago.

The whole trip he pointed out cars to me. And told me who made them, what year they were, if they weren’t made anymore what car replaced them, etc. (I say etc. because I really don’t know what else he said. Usually within minutes my eyes glazed over and I went to that place in my head where I could think of more fun things.)

Luckily for him (and me) his little girl inherited his love of cars. When we drove down the highway as a family they’d be talking about this car’s wheel rims or that car’s headlights. Brittany knew all the different cars’ names and makers too.

(I, however, STILL try to get in the wrong car in a large parking lot. Because it’s white! Just like mine!)

So I was happy that he had someone besides me to discuss automobiles with. But when Brittany called me crying; I GOT it! I totally knew what was upsetting her.

Before she was born John bought me a black Firebird Trans Am. It was sleek and had a little bit of tasteful gold trim. And it was hot! People turned and watched as I drove by! Really!

Our other car at the time was John’s two-seater convertible. So when he came to pick Brittany and I up at the hospital after she was born and struggled first to get the baby seat in the Firebird’s very cramped back seat and then struggled to get Brittany into it, we both knew we couldn’t do that everyday for the next 4 years.

So we sold my Trans Am. I got a “family car!” And I cried. Suddenly I was a grown up. With a baby. Past the age to turn heads. You could argue that her dogs aren’t her kids. But she would argue they are. And now my daughter has a family car too!

(We won’t even go in to how that makes me feel!)

 

 

Sharing the kids for the holidays.

Now that Brittany and Dan are engaged I guess it was inevitable that we’d have to figure holidays out. His parents live on the opposite side of the state and Dan usually only gets a couple days off at a time so it would be tough for them to come to both parents.

We started talking about it before Thanksgiving; a holiday we spend in Chicago with my family. Brittany hasn’t joined us for the past two years due to work and her two dogs, but so far we’ve always spent Christmas together.

Maybe it’s because I was thinking about that that Thanksgiving seemed so sentimental to me this year.

John had business in Louisville and a Chicago suburb the couple days leading up to the holiday so he drove and I tagged along. Checking into the hotel room the first night I saw the laundry/dry cleaning lists hanging in the closet and had a flashback of Brittany playing office at hotel room desks. She’d line up the phone, collect all the little pads of paper and pens and then pretend she was taking orders on the laundry lists and leaving messages for co-workers on the pads.

I also remembered that no matter where we were for Thanksgiving we’d try to be home Saturday night so we could roast our own turkey Sunday (for leftovers), decorate our house and then after dinner give one gift to “kick off the season”. (Usually something we could use during the holidays.)

At my sister’s house I saw Brittany running around as a little girl in my niece, Madison. My mom had Christmas ornaments with Brittany’s name on them. When Brit was little and I was working full time we’d send her to see my mom and sisters for two weeks in the summer. The first time she flew by herself at age seven I was still standing staring at the jet way she had walked down when the pilot opened his window and lifted her part way out to wave to us. I hadn’t cried up to that point, but then I couldn’t stop! It didn’t get any easier over the summers sending her off, but I loved that she grew up knowing my family on her own; not just when I was there. She has a wonderful relationship with all of them.

When we got home we discussed Christmas again. Brittany offered to come see us and have Dan go see his folks. But this is their engagement year and I would never want to do that. Instead John and I offered to drive to Charleston a few days before and come home Christmas Eve morning when they’ll drive to Dan’s folks.

I’m convinced that we’ll try a few things that will work and others that won’t, but we’ll eventually look back at these next few years as fondly as we do the past ones.

And what more can one hope for the holidays?

 

 

Waiting for her groom!

We still have Brittany's playroom set up exactly how it was when she was growing up. The other day I was in there cleaning and saw a picture she had of her wearing my wedding dress when she was 11 years old.

I picked it up thinking I'd scan it and send it to her and saw on the back; the date and "Wedding day" Daniel's wife Brittany (in her mothers dress!)

This is so fun because neither of us can think of a Daniel she knew back then and of course 14 years later she found him!!

Maybe Sometimes Means Yes

Everyone has been on one side of this conversation or the other; a child says, “Mom, can we…” and mom says, “Maybe.”

The kid replies, “But, mom I REALLY want to!” And the mom says, “I SAID maybe!”

Next the kid says, “But MAYBE always means no!” And the mom says, “No it doesn’t, maybe means maybe!”

This can go on and on, but you know how it goes. You’ve been there.

Brittany came home last weekend to meet with the photographer she was hoping to book for her wedding and also to view wedding venues. Both of these were after much online searching and talking to other brides about their experiences.

It was a busy weekend! We were literally on the go from the moment she pulled into the drive until she left two days later. We did manage to do a lot of fun things too, but the wedding was the main focus of our conversation.

It’s still a year away, but already things were booking up. So I had my check book ready!

All along she had been talking about the Mosteller Mansion, but I wanted to keep our options open. I felt like we needed to have a choice. So we had narrowed it down to three.

The first one was really really nice and we have been to a lot of weddings there. But something we couldn’t quite put our finger on wasn’t exactly right. Next we went to the Mosteller Mansion. We both liked it. A lot. But it was the most expensive of the bunch so I held out hope for the third one. When we got there though I knew right away it wouldn’t work. They did things their way and talked right over our ideas.

So we went back to the Mosteller Mansion and wrote the check.

Oh, you’re wondering what all that “maybe” talk in the beginning had to do with this?

Well, when Brittany was about ten years old she and I went to a Chamber event at the Mosteller Mansion. We had a great time exploring the beautiful house and when we went down the two long curving stairways to the back patio, Brittany said, “Mom, wouldn’t this be the perfect place for a wedding? Do you think I could get married here someday?”

And I said, “Maybe.”

So sometimes maybe does actually turn out to mean yes!

 

 

And the Wedding Plans Begin

When Brittany got engaged and said they had decided on an October 2013 wedding, I thought we would start talking about it in November or December.

Silly me.

The emails and phone calls have been flying. Venue ideas, food ideas, bridesmaid dresses, rehearsal dinner, did I like this photographer’s website?

They’ve even already registered at Belk because the store was having a Bridal fair the week after they got engaged. Brittany was a little disappointed that Dan didn’t enjoy walking around the store picking out things they might like for their house so when John and I went to visit them in Charleston over Labor Day weekend I went with her to Williams and Sonoma.

It made me really want to replace all of my own stuff.

We’d be marking a pitcher and I would say, “If you get two of these can I have one?” And Brittany would reply, “We won’t get two, that’s why we register!”

I can see why Dan didn’t have fun.

Then she showed me a spreadsheet on line that tracks wedding guests. You put the odds of them actually coming and it tells you the number you can most likely expect. We sat down with Dan and started making up a guest list. It was way too big even with the percent the spreadsheet promised wouldn’t show up. After a frustrating hour we decided to put it aside until spring when we’ll see if we still like all those people.

Next we looked at Pinterest. Brittany showed me all the boards she’s been putting together of wedding dresses, color schemes, cakes, flowers, etc. etc. From there we would click on other people’s Pinterest sites with all of their wedding ideas. It was quite overwhelming. Brittany says “everyone” gets all of their ideas from Pinterest now. In fact there’s a cartoon where a lady is telling a bride, “I got married before Pinterest.” And the bride looked really sad for her.

Which got me wondering, “will everything we decide on for Brittany’s wedding be judged by everyone who goes onto Pinterest?” Isn’t it hard enough to make sure all the relatives get along and the guests have fun without wondering what all of the world wide web will think after it’s over?

Actually at this point I’m pretty sure if Brittany is happy with her big day (and we live through it) I won’t really care what anyone else thinks.